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Cheating On Autumn

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I am what people call Type A.  I like things planned, because I like to be prepared.  People make fun of me for my orderly nature, but I can be flexible as necessary and enjoy spontaneity in the form of last-minute road trips, friends stopping by with a bottle of wine, cheap tickets to an unanticipated weeknight show, etc.  Even though it’s easy to poke fun at me, and I make fun of myself, people appreciate my dependability, and I am not ashamed to admit I like the consistency.

My A-ness reflects my love of autumn, I think.  Since childhood I’ve had a love-affair with the fall leaves, apple cider, and crisp, chilly air.  Wisdom and growth in myself and others are more obvious to me.  It’s the time I look back on where I come from, who I am, and anticipate what might lie ahead.  Really, I do this year-round, because I’m the contemplative, romantic type, and autumn falls into my rhythm naturally.

But these gloriously-long days temp me to cheat with summer…

You see, during the month of May, lots of things changed suddenly, and it sort of threw my plan into a tizzy.  I started running again.  I said goodbye to several people I care about.  I quit a job before I started.  I decided not to work 60 hour weeks anymore.  I cut my caffeine consumption in half.  I accepted a part-time, low-paying summer job that compensates with awesome experience.  I signed a lease to my own apartment.  I changed my social work practice emphasis from community organizing to therapy.  I started seeing a therapist to learn how to be a better one for my clients.  And I made some new friends.  Some changes came more easily than others, but all were good and needed.

For the first time in a long time, I don’t have a plan, and it feels great.  Of course, I have a direction and vision, but it is less distracted with “what ifs” and more open to possibilities.  This is what my summer is for, I think.  Slowing down, resting, and rejuvenating my soul, so I can bring my full self to my work and relationships.  But, mostly, I am vulnerable, taking a step back to allow for room to change and pondering intentionally about ideas and directions stirring inside.  I am trying to wonder more.

So far, it is working.  I am sleeping better and eating more produce.  It is nice.  Also, I love the plentiful lemonade, which is sort of essential to summer.  May this summer be as pleasant for you as it is for me.  Cheers.


About ashcmorris

World traveler. Red wine drinker. Indie and pop music listener. Reader. Experience-Craver. Redemption seeker. Slow-riser. Late-night writer. Cupcake baker. Social worker. Blue pen disliker. *Yep, it's that simple with me.

2 responses »

  1. can’t wait to see and catch up with you next Friday! (if not before!). This week has been so crazy-I’m sure it has been for you too with all of YOUR moving. =)

  2. I like that you said A-ness. When you say it out loud it sounds like anus. : ) But seriously, I am excited to see you on Friday so I don’t have to read your blog to know what is happening in your life.


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